by Tracy Moore
Never, but let’s talk about why
Congratulations, you have a penis. That’s something that can you do a lot of good in this world if you use it right. But let’s say you’ve gotten the idea — from porn, locker rooms, the internet, a medical book, or a someone calling themselves a friend — that your penis simply doesn’t look the penis part, size-wise. And now you’re dating a new person you intend to eventually have sex with. Should you warn them? And if so, when? And how?
That is precisely the concern of a recent Reddit post in the sex subreddit, which reads:
I’m a 5’7″ Asian guy so I don’t think women expect much of me anyway but I’m probably about 4″ erect on average. Some women in real life have told me they don’t want to have sex with a smaller guy, which I am totally going to reserve judgment on instead of being an insecure jerk because everybody deserves to have a good sex life without lying to themselves about what they truly want. I’m just not sure when would be the right time to bring it up to a woman if they’d be okay with what I’m packing. I feel like if I mention it on the first date it’s a little bit TMI, but I also feel like I owe it to a girl to let her know if we’re going to be sexually compatible instead of wasting her time. Girls, would you like to be told bluntly? How and when would you like to know?
Where to start with this? First things first: It must be noted that the letter writer in question here is Asian. Being an Asian man, in this country, at least, comes with an incredible amount of penis baggage, and likely means the letter writer has spent his entire life bombarded with popular images of Asian men as angry, invisible, wimpy or sidekicks, but rarely as romantic leads. And that’s in spite of increasing mainstream awareness about the issue of how Asian men are often depicted in films and on television. It’s a shame so many Asian men don’t know how hot they are, because there are so many hot Asian dudes out there, not to mention plenty of attractive Asian actors as potential candidates for leading men to challenge this outdated notion.
But any shift in hot inclusivity has only happened in the last few years, and proof there’s still blowback from the stereotype that Asian men aren’t sexy or well-endowed came when Steve Harvey joked on his show that Asian men aren’t attractive to women outside their race (he apologized, sort of). Women who date Asian men say they are even asked point-blank if their boyfriend has a small penis. And other Asian men have written about the pervasive sense that they just don’t measure up.
“Never mind that no comprehensive science has conclusively verified the myth,” Alex Tizon writes, in a book excerpt published on Salon, about the perception that Asian men have smaller penises. “Never mind that Google can provide a fair number of visual examples of Asian oaks. Never mind that the myth deeply hurts young Asian men in the West attempting to forge a sexual identity in the midst of overcoming a host of other demeaning perceptions.”
So it’s no wonder this Reddit guy is sweating it. But he should take heart that, of course, this isn’t just an Asian-man issue. All men, we’re told, are insecure about their penis size, even when that size is objectively huge. (Side issue: Is it a grower or a shower? Other side issue: Having a big dick doesn’t mean squat in the good-lover department). Part of the problem is that nobody has a good idea of what an average penis is — to have, or to hold…