What Makes Me… a Grownup?

In this installment of our “What Makes Me a…” column, we asked six people what makes them think of a person as a fully functioning adult.

According to a pro skateboarder, an HR expert, a clown and four other experts in their fields

David Reyes, Professional Skateboarder: A grownup is someone who has experienced enough to learn from their mistakes, someone who knows right from wrong and someone who can determine positive from negative. There’s no need to be a shit person, so just don’t be a lame human: Do good yourself, don’t be judgmental and give a helping hand when you see someone in need. Also, being an adult means making sure the youth understands what it takes to build a positive world for the next generation. So enjoy your life and pass on your knowledge to the youth, because one day, they may save you.

Neena Dutta, Immigration Lawyer: My knee-jerk response was, “Paying bills, filing taxes and being responsible for another being’s poop — either a pet’s or small child’s.” But I know lawyers and CEOs who honestly don’t appear to have caught onto this whole “adulting” thing the rest of us signed up for.

At the end of the day, putting on pants before you go outside helps. But more than that, making better choices is the defining factor: I have a friend who says to her toddler, “Make good choices!” and I’m guessing she could probably say that to a bunch of supposed grownups in her life, as well.

Rayne Parvis, Stylist: You know you’re a grownup if you’re wearing matching socks, hole-free boxers and your clothes are wrinkle-free, tailored and clean, in addition to being color-coordinated. You get bonus “adult points” if you’ve taken your items to be cleaned at the dry cleaners that need it, rather than throwing the special-care items in the washer and hoping for the best.

Joanne Hawking, Special Education Teacher: Being a grownup is realizing that you’re not the center of the universe, along with the realization that you’re part of a much bigger world, and that each person in it is equally valid and worthwhile, regardless of age, gender, ability, race, religion or any other human-made marker. What makes someone not a grownup is the incessant need to feel that they’re better than others, and the inability to experience childlike joy. Also, being a big poopy-head.

Dr. Vallerie Coleman, Equine Therapist: Three things immediately come to mind:

  • An ability to take action versus being caught in reactions. This entails taking time to pause, assess and check in with gut feelings and rationality before thoughtfully proceed with action.
  • Taking responsibility for oneself and one’s actions. This means taking responsibility for your choices, not blaming others when things don’t go the way you’d like and being able to authentically apologize for the impact of your choices/actions.
  • The ability to be open and curious about how others experience you as well as the ability to learn from your mistakes.

Tommy the Clown, Professional Hip-Hop Clown: What I believe makes me, Tommy the Clown, a grownup is that I take care of myself and others. I’m the owner of a business and responsible for making sure it’s been successful for more than 25 years. That entails keeping the clown-car clean, getting to the party on time, creating the atmosphere for the children and facing the ridicule of doing a poor job.

Terry Petracca, HR Expert: Being a grownup isn’t about age, although the older you are, the more adult you should act. It’s about taking responsibility and not fobbing off actions or outcomes on others. You no longer believe you’re entitled to any- and everything. You earn your way (and sometimes get lucky). It’s about imparting wisdom that you’ve gleaned over years of being a good listener and learner. Your words have the weight of experience and authority because you’ve been there, done that and have the scars to prove it.

https://melmagazine.com/what-makes-me-a-grownup-2ef18e3c7433

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All the Reasons Not Getting Enough Sleep Turns You Into a Goddamn Maniac

by Andrew Fiouzi

Arianna Huffington and I have at least one thing in common: We’re both obsessed with getting enough sleep. As a man who typically enjoys anywhere between 8 and 10 hours of shut-eye each night, even getting as little as six hours feels like some form of sleep-deprivation experiment, making me cranky, weird and lethargic. And that’s just scratching the surface. Here are a few of the other brutal side effects of missing out on essential Zs — and why they happen.

Irritability

Besides tiredness, the most obvious result of not getting enough sleep is that aforementioned crankiness — the Mr. Hyde to your better rested Dr. Jekyll. “Complaints of irritability and [emotional] volatility following sleepless nights [are common],” observed a team of Israeli researchers in 2005, after putting those complaints to the test by following around a group of sleep-deprived medical residents.

The study found that the negative emotional effects of disruptive events — things like being interrupted while in the middle of doing something — were amplified by sleep loss. Why? “Sleep deprivation enhances a negative mood due to increased amygdala activity,” says Terry Cralle, a certified clinical sleep educator. The amygdala, he explains, is a brain structure closely tied to negative emotions such as anger and rage, and sleep loss can cause a disconnect between the amygdala and the area of the brain that regulates its functions. When that happens, you’re going to be in a seriously shitty mood.

Grogginess

A lack of sleep can impair your cognitive functions so badly that it’s like being too drunk to legally drive. According to research by Harvard’s Charles Czeisler, as reported by the National Geographic, “Going without sleep for 24 hours, or getting only five hours of sleep a night for a week, is the equivalent of a blood alcohol level of 0.1 percent,” which is the equivalent of consuming four or more drinks, depending on your weight.

“That’s because, when comparing the brain of someone who is sleep-deprived to the brain of someone who has slept normally, research shows reduced metabolism and blood flow in multiple brain regions,” Cralle says. “This prevents the brain from restoring its energy sources and therefore diminishes a person’s cognitive functioning.”

To put it another way, that part of the night where you’re drunk enough to sing karaoke is where you’re at mentally after a week of pretty lousy sleep.

Weakened Immune System

According to a 2009 study conducted at Carnegie Mellon University, people who sleep less than six hours a night are four times more likely to catch a cold than people who sleep for seven or more. There’s a significant body of research to show that immune function is tied closely to the body’s 24-hour circadian clock, and so, “When sleep is deprived, this cycle is weakened and disrupted, and the immune system suffers,” says Cralle.

Memory Loss

A night — or even a week — of reduced sleep won’t turn you into Guy Pearce’s character from Memento. But studies have shown that long-term lack of sleep can damage your ability to form new memories and recall older ones. In 2014, a Harvard’s Nurses Health Study found that people who slept five hours or less every night were actually functioning at a memory leveltwo years beyond their actual age — bad news for sleep-deprived older people.

A 2013 study, meanwhile, found that important brain waves are produced during sleep, which play a vital role in storing memories. “What we have discovered is a dysfunctional pathway that helps explain the relationship between brain deterioration, sleep disruption and memory loss as we get older,” wrote Matthew Walker, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of California at Berkeley.

In short, the less sleep you get, the more Swiss cheese-like your brain becomes.

Infertility

As if guys weren’t already in the midst of a sperm crisis, a Danish study from 2013, published in the American Journal of Epidemiology, found that men who experienced a lot of sleep disturbances have 29 percent less sperm in their semen than dudes who were able to get a solid eight hours in each night. Though researchers aren’t sure why lack of sleep equals lack of sperm, if you’re looking to have children in the near future, it’s worth keeping in mind.

Low Sex Drive

Of course, you may not even notice your depleted sperm, because sleep deprivation also can prevent you from getting horny in the first place. A 2011 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association followed a group of 10 young men, who each slept five hours a night for one week. At the week’s end, researchers found that their subjects were unable to concentrate, had low energy and were resolutely unhorny.

Further, the male subjects displayed a 10- to 15-percent drop in testosterone levels over the course of this week, whereas most post-pubescent guys see their testosterone levels drop by just 1 or 3 percent every year. As the study’s co-author Eve Van Cauter explained to Science Daily, “Low sleep duration and poor sleep quality are increasingly recognized as endocrine disruptors.”

Translation: No sleep = no other fun stuff in bed, either.

https://melmagazine.com/all-the-reasons-not-getting-enough-sleep-turns-you-into-a-goddamn-maniac-104c29ce8269

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A Sex Guide for People Whose Partners Want Way More Anal Than They Do

The latest installment of our series The ‘Normal’ Couples’ Guide to Sex

by Lynsey G

Not ecstatic about your current sex life? Don’t have hours every day attempting to decipher all the Sanskrit in the Kama Sutra? Unable to bankroll a shopping spree (or a single purchase for that matter) at Jimmyjane? Here’s a sex help guide for you, fellow regular human who wants to be better in bed.

The Person

Dolly, New York City
Age: 
31
Goal: To get her boyfriend interested in more than just anal sex.

The Sex Situation: “I’m in a fairly new monogamous relationship — about five months in — with a Canadian man who can only really get off doing anal,” says Dolly. “He’s big, too — 9 inches or so, and with a wide girth as well.”

The Obstacle: “I don’t really mind anal, but since he’s so big, it can be a lot to do it all the time,” Dolly continues. “Plus, I don’t always have time to prepare properly. I work in nightlife at like five different jobs, but he has more of a day job, so our schedules don’t always match up. We see each other a few times a week when we can, but we don’t always have the time to prepare for anal — and he gets kind of grossed out if things get, you know, messy. If we could have vaginal sex sometimes, it would make it easier to have a quickie. And it would give my butt a break!”

What She’s Tried: “We’ve tried vaginal sex, but he doesn’t enjoy it as much, and we usually end up finishing with anal anyway,” says Dolly. “I asked him about it, and he said something about it being more points of contact. I guess I have a shallow vagina, so maybe his 9 inches doesn’t fit inside the whole way?”

The Goal: “I’d like to know if there are ways that I can make vaginal intercourse more fun for him. I don’t have a lot of time to devote to convincing him because of our different and busy schedules, but I’m willing to try whatever will work!”

The Plan

Communicate Your Own Desires: “The first thing I’d like to point out, is that your pleasure matters, not just his,” says Madison Young, a sexual revolutionary, author and sex educator. “You matter, and your pleasure matters. It’s awesome that he knows one thing that feels good to him and that he’s able to communicate that to you, but that’s just the beginning of the conversation.

“Think about what sex acts get you really hot: What brings you to orgasm? Do you like dirty talk? Blow jobs? Using sex toys? Try instructing your partner in the art of making you come and cultivating his experience of receiving pleasure from gifting you pleasure. Ask him to give you oral sex while using a sex toy or stimulating you vaginally. Use your words to really guide him through what feels good to you.

“After all, it’s your body, and therefore, it’s important to communicate to your partner your limits and boundaries as well as what things you’d like to explore. So if you’re currently having anal sex more than what feels comfortable, make sure to say that.”

Reshape His Brain With Other Sex Acts: “When we find our way to orgasm, we create a neural pathway that connects specific touch to our brain, signaling the release of pleasure hormones,” explains Young. “Just because anal sex is a deeply ingrained superhighway to your partner’s pleasure hormones doesn’t mean there aren’t other pleasure-inducing sex acts. Or that you can’t build new neural pathways by trying them.

“To do so, experiment together as sexual adventurers. Attend sex workshops. Go to a play party. Watch porn together. They all work in terms of finding different ways for you to turn each other on — and get each other off.”

Really Get Into Anal: “If you’re looking for more ways to enjoy anal sex, think about ways that you can mix things up,” continues Young. “Adding a clitoral vibrator like the Magic Wand can be a great addition to anal sex. It’s also super helpful if there’s plenty of foreplay prior to anal sex. This will get your endorphins flowing and relax your body. You may also want to start with an anal plug or dildo that’s smaller than your partner to warm up.

“Something else I like to do is think about my anus as fucking the cock — as opposed to the idea of having anal done to me for someone else’s pleasure.”

The Reaction

Do You Think You Can Ask Him to “Gift You Pleasure”? “I do. He’s a very giving person,” says Dolly, “and this can include not anal.”

Are More Toys and Foreplay an Option? “Foreplay has never been an issue, but I do think Madison is right about having more toys in the picture. Sometimes I don’t have my toys around because I’m spending the night at his place. I just need to bring them over, but I forget!”

Will You Become Sexual Adventurers? “I’m not sure if he’s open to any adventures like parties, as he’s fairly conservative. Workshops are a possibility, but since it’s still a new-ish relationship, I’d have to carefully bring this up.”

Will You Reframe Your Anal Experiences? “I like how Madison re-paradigmed the perspective that the anus is fucking the cock. That’s a helpful way to mentally guide pleasure. I think I’ll try that this weekend!”

https://melmagazine.com/a-sex-guide-for-people-whose-partners-want-way-more-anal-than-they-do-17566ec75bd0

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Anger Can Be a Good Thing if You Know How to Use It

by Quinn Myers

Sometimes you get so righteously pissed off that it actually helps you make a positive change: You can use your anger as a motivator to hit the gym after a breakup and sculpt the perfect revenge bod, for example, or find a better job to escape your dickish boss. But there’s a thin line dividing that useful anger from the type of anger that leads to self-destructive behavior, like constantly blowing up at little things and alienating those around you. The difficult part, of course, is figuring out where that line is knowing when you’re about to cross it.

How to Make Anger Work for You

Anger can only be a positive change agent when “you fully understand what you’re angry about,” says Carmen Chang-Arratia, a licensed social worker in New York City. Anger with a clear cause, she says, is the type that can be used for good, because it’s clear what the reason for it is.

“These are good points because you can see the beginning and end of your anger: What you don’t want anymore, what you’re looking to get rid of and what you now may want. You’ve crossed the frustration bridge and entered war territory. Anger is a call to action.”

Generally speaking, it’s a good thing to embrace your anger — whether you act on it or not: According to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suppressing or ignoring your angry emotions will only bottle them up and lead to depression. Instead, the study claims, “Forming a habitual acceptance of negative emotions helps keep individuals from reacting to — and thus exacerbating — their negative mental experiences.”

Where It Goes Wrong

The longer you leave your anger unresolved, the more difficult it becomes to identify what made you angry in the first place, and things compound from there. “Sometimes things can stack up, but there’s usually one triggering event,” says Chang-Arratia. The anger at this original trigger, she explains, gets spread to multiple more trivial annoyances, causing you to both find it harder to focus on expressing anger at the original trigger in a healthy way, and to flare up in bouts of rage at things that don’t deserve such an extreme reaction. “All that emotion must be stored somewhere,” Chang-Arratia says. “It builds up inside you and becomes depression and anxiety.”

This venting of rage at more trivial things starts its own undesirable pattern of behavior, too, by putting you in a cycle of constant flare-ups. Just like any system of instant gratification, allowing your anger to repeatedly erupt in violent reactions is addictive, and quickly turns into a learned behavior. Worse, this causes you to completely lose the ability to use your anger for positive change.

“If you want to someone to be quiet and you yell at them, hit them or threaten them, the result you want will assuredly happen almost immediately,” Chang-Arratia says. But because it’s so superficially quick and effective — you’ve dealt with the symptom (the noise) but not the cause (the reason someone was yelling at you in the first place) — it’s easy to slip into the habit of expressing your anger through these means. And in the long term, immediately resorting to an angry response every time you become mad threatens your ability to exhibit proper judgment.

This is where things begin to spiral, since venting at smaller annoyances might bring you temporary relief from your pent up aggression, but won’t help deal with your actual problem in the long term. If you’ve missed the mark on what you’re angry at or you spend your time steaming about something you can’t quite put your finger on, you may feel the anger turn inwards, even as you keep directing small bursts of it towards undeserving targets. This is when it manifests itself as depression or anxiety, and can even seep into your relationships, damaging them and compounding the detrimental effects to your overall mental health in the process. You get stuck in a mental rut, unable or unwilling to move on. As a result, people stop wanting to be around you — the guy who’s always brooding — creating a sense of isolation that will just deepen that spiral…

more…

https://melmagazine.com/anger-can-be-a-good-thing-if-you-know-how-to-use-it-d843ce0f9009

 

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Why Men Say They’ve Had More Sex Partners Than Women

It’s not just because they multiply by 3

by Tracy Moore

If you’ve read any sex surveys pretty much anywhere ever in your life, you’ve learned a curious truth: Heterosexual men, on average, have more sexual partners than heterosexual women do. Sometimes it’s two or four times or more, with one study finding men have an average of seven partners to women’s four, and another showing that men had roughly 13 partners on average to women’s 7. Mathematicians protest that this is logically impossible — it takes two people to have sex, after all, so the median number of partners should be the same for men and women.

So what’s with the funny math?

Turns out there are a lot of reasons the numbers can get skewed, and they don’t all involve lying.

Lying

Of course, lying is still typically the most frequently cited reason for skewed results. Men tend to inflate their numbers, researchers say, whereas women lowball. The reasons are fairly obvious if we go by broad cultural stereotypes about promiscuity and gender: Men are supposed to go out there and get all they can while they can; women are supposed to seem discerning about who they let get up in there. Women are supposed to guard their virginity for love; men are supposed to get it over with as soon as possible or risk eternal humiliation. It follows then, that women would feel pressured to still seem pure, while men would feel pressured to seem experienced.

American Pie 2 gave us a solid bullshit detection formula for deciphering how many sex partners men and women really have, though. It’s called the rule of three — men should multiply the number of partners a woman claims to have had by three to get an accurate number; women should divide the number of partners a man claims to have had by three to get the real answer.

While that’s got to be an exaggeration, the takeaway here is that men round up; women round down.

Counting Strategies

That said, there’s some evidence maybe men and women aren’t lying but counting the number of people they’ve slept with differently, according to Bradley University psychology professor David Schmitt. “When asked about one’s number of past sex partners, women tend to recall each and every past partner individually (Bill, Ted, Tony, Tim…), whereas men tend to ‘guesstimate’ using large round numbers (around 10),” Schmitt writes at Psychology Today.

The key point here, though, is that both methods are flawed. Researchers say the “raw count” women use results in deflated numbers. “They tend to say, ‘I just know,’ and if you ask them to explain how they know, they say, ‘Well, there was John, Tom, etc.,’” psychologist Norman Brown, who studies flaws in self-reported sex surveys, told Live Science. On the other hand, the rough approximation men use leads to inflated numbers. “Men are twice as likely to use rough approximation to answer the question,” Brown told them. “And rough approximation is a strategy known to produce over-estimation.”

Memory

The older you get—and maybe the more people you’ve slept with—the less likely you are to remember exactly how many times you got it on. Some people, at some point, literally just stop counting, as evidenced by this quote from Christine, 35, who told the New York Daily News exactly that about her sex life in 2008.

“I stopped counting at 56,” said Christine, 35, a locations director from Baysidewho lives in SoHo. “There are so many opportunities to meet men here — bars, restaurants, clubs, walking down the street, the deli. Men are everywhere.”

The Prostitute Effect

If men are more likely to pay for sex here or abroad than women — research Schmitt cites found that 15 percent of American men do, compared to fewer than 1 percent of American women (again, assuming they are telling the truth) — men may count those extra experiences in their tally.

However, other experts argue this can’t adequately account for the difference. “Invoking women who are outside the survey population cannot begin to explain a difference of 75 percent in the number of partners, as occurred in the study saying men had seven partners and women four,” University of California, Berkeley, mathematics professor David Gale, told The New York Times.

What Counts as Sex

Perhaps most interesting of all the reasons these studies might skew higher for men is that, eager to keep that number up, men may toss in nearly anything remotely sexual as a sex act in their tally. According to Schmitt over at Psychology Today, men count more sexual interactions as sex than women do. “Because men consider more sexual behaviors to count as sex than women (e.g., oral sex, intimate massages), this might lead men to report, on average, higher numbers of past sex partners than women do,” he writes.

This is very confusing. Is sex (between heterosexuals) not exclusively penis-in-vagina? A blowjob is certainly a sexual act but it’s not intercourse, though it’s not out of the realm of possibility to include it as part of a tally. But going down on a woman could be sex if you’re a lesbian — one lesbian on a forum asking what constitutes sex said she considers oral and fingering sex between women, but only third base or foreplay between men and women…

more…

https://melmagazine.com/why-men-say-theyve-had-more-sex-partners-than-women-e1ff06aea902

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What Makes Me… a Nice Guy?

In this installment of our “What Makes Me a…” column, we asked seven people what they really mean when they call you a “nice guy.”

According to a bounty hunter, a professional Santa Claus and 5 other experts in their fields

by MEL

Rob Dick, Bounty Hunter School instructor: In my world, a “nice guy” is someone that treats the fugitive like a human being. If it’s a long way to the jail and we need to stop and eat, the fugitive is going to eat. I don’t smoke, but the fugitive who smokes will get a chance to have a cigarette just before he goes into the jail. Now, I’m not going to sit in the back with the fugitive and talk about his childhood, but if the fugitive is going to jail with no money, I might put $100 in their pocket to help them buy some commissary. After all, I just made $20,000 playing hide-and-seek with them, and hey, I’m a nice guy.

Gregory Cook, professional Santa Claus: Everyone thinks they’re nice. I certainly do. I care about other people. I try to listen more than I talk. I hold doors open for people if they’re not too far away. I donate some of my time to charity in December, and during the year, I raise money for the American Cancer Society. I’m generally a happy guy and I try to share that with everyone.

Cole Benedetti, server at the Griffin ClubA “nice guy” customer always says something like, “Whenever you have a chance…” and “Thank you so much” when they ask for something. They understand that they’re not the only customer in the restaurant, and they don’t expect to be treated as such. There’s also something thoughtful and genuine about nice guys — they have a contagious smile.

Allison Goldberg, co-creator of Blogologues and How to Break Up by Text:People are nice when they don’t say, “Let me know how I can help!” because that’s putting the burden on the person who needs something to ask for it. Those people think they’re nice, but they’re just making themselves feel good for offering. Nice people preempt your needs and follow through: “I’m bringing soup because you’re sick!” “I’m bringing wine because I know you’re stressed out!” “I’m bringing condoms because I don’t want you to have unprotected sex with a stripper again!” Those are your real friends — especially that last guy, he’s a real gem.

Denise Wiesner, sexologist and founder of Natural Healing Acupuncture:The nice people that come to see me for treatment are friendly, respectful, on time and value the connection. They’re truthful in discussing their issues and want to improve their lives. They have appropriate boundaries with myself and my front desk and are happy to pay for services.

Van Hillard, bartender at Safari LoungeA “nice” patron isn’t too snarky, bellicose or troublesome; they’re also well-mannered. On the flip side, I fear that many bartenders in Washington D.C. (where I work) are either rude, inept, oblivious or straight-up mean; as a result, many customers are taken aback when I’m actually congenial to them.

Jen Jamula, performer, co-creator of Blogologues and How to Break Up by Text: “Nice guy” is a tricky term. If you think you’re a “nice guy,” you’re probably not — it’s a classic way that cads offset their naughty behavior. But then, if other people think you’re “nice,” it means they secretly think you’re vanilla. For me, the problem is that “nice” is an infuriatingly bland word, like “good” or “interesting,” that tells me nothing about you.

I’d encourage you to break it down for yourself: Are you charming, entertaining, selfless, compassionate, agreeable, moral or just plain friendly? Start talking about yourself in those terms. I’d personally never call someone a “nice guy” unless, honestly, I was writing them off the teeniest bit.

https://melmagazine.com/what-makes-me-a-nice-guy-bae14f3be99c

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Theories on Why Men Working Low-Wage Jobs Are the Most Familiar Trope in Porn

Image via Babes.com

We asked a sociologist, a porn actor, a director… and a pizza boy

by Andrew Fiouzi

It’s a tale as old as porn itself: Girl needs pool cleaned. Or lawn mowed. Or sink fixed. Or pizza delivered. Boy shows up to clean pool, mow lawn, fix sink or deliver pizza. But the manual labor quickly becomes that of another kind — namely, fucking. One of the most infamous examples is Big Sausage Pizza, a porn franchise that ran from 2003 to 2006 and that served as the subject of anEater article that examined the “history of porn’s most persistent narrative cliché” — that of the pizza delivery boy whose sausage pizza is almost entirely an extra-large euphemism.

We would argue, though, that the pizza delivery boy is just one of the many minimum-wage archetypes on which porn was built. Three other similarly clichéd gigs: the aforementioned gardener, plumber and pool boy. All of which got us thinking — why? What is it about menial labor and blue-collar work that gets porn all hot and bothered? For answers, we sought out porn performers Kayden Kross and Ryan Driller; porn director, editor and screenwriter Ivan, who also co-owns the PUBA Pornstar Network; and Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, a sociologist and author of Exposure: A Sociologist Explores Sex, Society and Adult Entertainment. And for good measure, we asked a pizza delivery guy and handyman what he believes makes his professions so incredibly desirable.

Kayden Kross

Kayden Kross: “Porn deals with a lot of fantasy scenarios in which everyday interactions take unexpected sexual turns. For most of us, our everyday interactions with strangers often involve service people. And the service people you’re most likely to end up alone with are the ones who make house calls — hence, the pizza boy, the plumber and the gardener.

“The low-wage factor I think is about something else. Namely, pornographers have understood for a long time that a viewer wants to believe that the random guy unexpectedly hooking up with the beautiful woman could just as easily have been him. He often imagines himself in the actor’s place. For this reason, the character isn’t supposed to be a man who’s as unattainable as the woman. He doesn’t have to be particularly attractive, successful or witty. In the fantasy, the deal is sealed by virtue of the fact that the two of them are alone in the room, and she’s as wildly drawn to him as he is to her.

“Personally, I like scenarios that have more story to them or take a little more risk. The problem then isn’t so much creativity, but a lack of budget. We can’t afford to spend multiple days capturing all of the footage we’d need to tell an in-depth story leading up to a scene, and we don’t have the option of using public settings. Nor can we build large sets and pay a lot for extras to stand in the background. And even if we did do all of those things, most of our viewers would fast-forward straight to the sex anyway.”

Ivan: “It’s fantasy — in the vein of movies like Fast Times at Ridgemont Highand the delivery guy played by Judge Reinhold as well as Private Lessons from the early 1980s. In Private Lessons, the kid looks 14, and he’s taking a bath with an older woman, who was his housekeeper. Growing up that was my spank material. So as a director, you let your own childhood fantasies run wild. I don’t know if these fantasies are the same for younger audiences, but for people my age who grew up in the 1980s, they were definitely ours.

“Plus, they’re easy — you only need a pool cleaner, a pizza box and some creativity. Speaking of which, I did once do a series about handywomen called Big Butt Handywomen. It was reversed: Handywomen would show up to fix a guy’s TV or fix their plumbing.”

Chauntelle Tibbals: “Riley Reid, one of today’s biggest stars, recently did a scene where she’s the pizza delivery person leading into a gang bang. It’s called “Pizza That Ass.” It was released as a web exclusive on her site. (And, of course, it was immediately pirated everywhere else, too.) This scene shows the classic trope, but in a contemporary iteration — pizza lady, web-only scene, modern distribution, etc.

Riley Reid

“That said, I’m not sure I’d agree that the ‘pizza boy trope’ (or fill in random worker or anonymous solicitor visiting the home, not all of which are low wage) is the most popular scenario produced in porn. I would agree, though, that this idea is one of the most popular imaginations of adult content. It’s like the bow-chica-bow-wow of ‘porn funk’ music: It’s certainly been seen over time (or during specific eras) in porn production, but it’s not as prevalent as the general public’s ideas about porn think it is.”…

more…

https://melmagazine.com/theories-on-why-men-working-low-wage-jobs-are-the-most-familiar-trope-in-porn-7ae6d303effa

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