by Tracy Moore It’s an age-old question that women and men have pondered, debated and wrestled with since time immemorial: When you go down on a dick, how long do you have to stay on that thing? Reality suggests it’s whatever it takes. But common sense suggests that it should take no longer than the amount of time one would spend preparing a Hot Pocket. But to truly solve this ancient riddle, we must first define our terms. When I’m talking about a blow job, I mean exactly the mouth-to-dick contact required until he launches his wad and you can … Continue reading How Long Should A Blow Job Last?
by Kate Mooney If you’ve ever had a thirst and set out to quench it at a fine (or less than fine) drinking establishment, you’ve likely had a thing for a bartender, or at least found yourself in the company of some drunk idiot sweating over the person behind the stick. Falling for the bartender is a cliché at this point, an age-old phenomenon that’s persisted ever since those first few restless, horny monks decided to pitch their foul buckets of fermented barley and defect from the compound in search of boozy offerings from a less holy hand. It isn’t … Continue reading Why Does Everybody Want to Fuck the Bartender?
A new study is a victory for the congenitally chill by Miles Klee Ignore any article that says sitting too much makes you fatter, sadder and dumber. I mean, it does all those things, I’m sure — but new research has revealed the advantage, from an evolutionary standpoint, of doing as little as possible. https://melmagazine.com/media/fb7dec65ef28a760c634438d8cb348e5?postId=db40a453389f University of Kansas researchers just published a data study in the science journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B that looks at the fossil records of nearly 300 mollusk species from 5 million years ago through the present day, with an eye toward the invertebrates’ basal metabolic rate, or BMR. This is what we laypeople … Continue reading Scientists Say Evolution Is Partly ‘Survival of the Laziest,’ So Let’s Just Stay on the Couch Today
You’re mostly screwed! Sorry. But here are a few things you can do that will help. by Adam Elder You’ve been saving plenty of money for retirement, haven’t you? Yeah… me neither. That tropical private island I assumed I’d own someday? Probably not happening! Never mind living like a baller in retirement age. At this point, I’m more worried about just having enough money to subsist on. In a world where many of us struggle to put a realistic retirement plantogether, what are you supposed to do when it’s too late? Alongside Lauren Locker, a certified financial planner in New Jersey who specializes in eldercare, we’re going … Continue reading Stupid Money: What Happens If You Hit Retirement Age With Nothing Saved?
Is it better served hot, cold, or not at all? by Andrew Fiouzi Usually a trope reserved for telenovellas, thrillers and basically every Tarantino movie, revenge has recently made its way into national headlines. After being unceremoniously fired from her White House gig, former Celebrity Apprentice contestant Omarosa Manigault-Newman swiftly got her vengeance: “Former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault-Newman released another alleged secret recording — that she claims took place one day after her firing by Chief of Staff John Kelly — of a phone call with President Trump, who seems unaware of her departure from the administration,” reported Axios. The tape was just another instance of a former Trump … Continue reading A Gentleman’s Guide to Revenge
LEE CELANO / REUTERS A massive new study of online dating finds that everyone dates aspirationally—and that a woman’s desirability peaks 32 years before a man’s does. by ROBINSON MEYER You’re at a party and you see someone cute across the room. They glance at you, maybe even smile for a second, then carry on with their conversation. You feel the room shrink, your heart rate quicken, your face go red: You’re crushing on this stranger, hard. But then the sensible part of your brain tells you to forget it: That person’s way, way out of your league. Wait a second, … Continue reading Dude, She’s (Exactly 25 Percent) Out of Your League
Sometimes you have to be a hero and tell a lie by Tracy Moore Lying is selfish, but sometimes it’s nowhere near as selfish as telling the truth. Maybe you’re the guy who tells his girlfriend she’s “definitely getting a beer gut.” Or the guy who, in an exit interview, tells his bosses working there wasbullshit. Or the guy who tells his wife he constantly wants to have sex with other women. There’s a term for this: truth dumping. Do you fancy yourself a brutally honest, tell-it-like-it-is sort of guy, who takes pride in saying whatever he thinks no matter how it lands? … Continue reading Truth Dumping: When Are You Being Honest, and When Are You Just Selfish?