Place-Dropping Is the New Name-Dropping

Oh, the places you’ll go, and how you won’t stop letting us know

by Tracy Moore
It used to be easy to tell who was rich and who wasn’t simply by looking at their clothes and cars. But the increasingly casual tint of modern culture means we can scarcely tell the difference between a graphic designer and a tech billionaire. They both wear hoodies and flip-flops. They both live in a tiny house. They both drive Priuses, drink small-batch whiskey and have some giant, hard-to-price wristwatch. How are any of us supposed to know when we’re actually in the company of the truly affluent and privileged anymore? A hint: place-dropping.

If place-dropping sounds like name-dropping it’s because it is, only it’s as visual as it is verbal. Just as name-droppers hope to inflate their social status by hoping you’ll associate them with important people, place-droppers inflate their value by hoping you’ll associate them with important places and the money and free time required to visit said places. They do it by casually referencing or Insta-bombing all the far-flung locales they’ve visited — bonus points if they’re known celebrity destinations like St. Tropez or Monaco.

Heading to Berlin next week; sooo paranoid about the jet lag, you might say to pre-emptively place-drop. European city: check. Far enough away to experience jet lag: check. Seasoned enough traveler to complain about it: check. But what about Berlin? Why are you going? What do you hope to see there? Oops, you forgot to mention it. Classic place-drop.

“We go to New York a lot,” someone might mention with an air of annoyance, to let you know they can afford several-hundred dollar plane tickets to a cosmopolitan city several times a year, “and flying just isn’t what it used to be.” But why? What for? What it’s like? Did you form any actual opinions about it? ::Crickets::

You’ll know you’ve been placed-dropped because it feels like someone is not telling you anything other than than the fact that they’ve gone somewhere fancy and go similar fancy places a lot. A few other examples of place-dropping:

We usually do Bali but this year we might try out Morocco.

Drinks next week? Oh I can’t, that’s when I’m in Ibiza.

Just wishing I could get back over to Cannes; used to go every summer.

(Not to call out anyone specific here, but peruse #vacation for some good social media examples.)

There are a few caveats: Of course, traveling is a good, worthwhile thing to do. We should all try to see the world as much as possible, and exposure to different histories, cultures and ways of life are more mind-enhancing than the best drugs you can buy. And you should talk about where you go; that’s your life and how you spend chose to spend your time.

But place-droppers aren’t interested in talking about the experience itself; just checking the boxes of status. Place-dropping is not when someone genuinely and excitedly says they got back from an amazing trip to Spain and starts recounting the jaw-dropping sites they’ve seen. That is of value and merit; it’s also sincere. It’s not when a seasoned traveler goes to London for the hundredth time and mentions it because this time they really had a chance to take in the old castles.

Place-dropping is when someone casually mentions another Turks and Caicos trip because they’ve been going every summer for the last 10 years; haven’t you? There are no interesting details or insights; they simply went to the place and did the thing, so now you know you’re supposed to think they are cool and rich, or something.

The real crime in place-dropping is not much different than the crime of any bad conversationalist: You’re talking about yourself too muchBut I’m talking about a place, you will now insist. No, you’re talking about how you went to that place. You’re talking about how you were rich enough to afford the trip and a nanny to watch the kids while you were gone.

Place-droppers are perhaps just like the kids in middle school who noticed everyone was wearing a polo shirt so they ran out and got one. They aren’t even sure if they liked it! They just correctly downloaded that everyone else liked it and thus aspired to wear one. (Reads about how everyone is going to Provence in The New York Times; books trip to Provence.) In a post-celebrity world where social media has turned likes into a virtual fame-counter for normies, we’re all reaching for the polo shirt still. And experience has replaced celebrity or other vague status symbols as an easy shorthand for Succeeding at Life…

more…

https://melmagazine.com/place-dropping-is-the-new-name-dropping-ba31031aff78

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THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF WOMEN IS IN PART A FORM OF SPIRIT SICKNESS

by Christina SarichStaff Writer Waking Times

With all the Susan G. Komen “runs for the cure” and incessant talk of pink ribbons, you’d think women were dropping like flies from breast cancer, but this isn’t the number one killer of women in modern society.

The most common killer of women is also one of the most preventable diseases. According to research from Harvard, coronary heart disease, and the stress which is behind it, is the leading cause of death among the female gender, but why?

As per the study, women are six times more likely to worry about getting breast cancer, but heart-disease is a much more real and present danger. Part of the problem is that breast cancer usually hits a woman in her 50s, while the first heart attack happens to women when they are much older, so it is easier to discount heart disease, and the underlying factors which contribute to it.

Another possible reason women worry about breast cancer more than the health of their hearts, is two-fold: we are naturally outwardly focused as nurturers, and Big Pharma has a racket going with breast cancer, so we’re primed to think of this disease first. $9,850 dollar breast cancer drug anyone?

Heart disease is also sneaky. It doesn’t always start with a serious stroke or heart attack. The physical symptoms can include fatigue, shortness of breath, mid-chest pressure (not pain), nausea, and radiating pain from the jaw or the left shoulder.

Non-physical symptoms of an ailing heart can include:

–       An inability to express openly, the suffering and pain we’ve endured emotionally. (Even the Harvard study says that a woman’s stress is often discounted and her symptoms chalked up as hypochondria, so women are taught to ‘suck it up.’)

–       An inability to forgive and express compassion.

–       Leading with our heads instead of our hearts.

–       Co-dependent tendencies or a lack of expressing our full power.

–       Lack of acceptance.

In Sanskrit, the heart chakra is called Anahata, which means unstruck note, or unwounded love. A woman is born with an innate ability to love unconditionally, but through cultural and familial pressure we’ve been taught, just like men, to stuff it down, and cut ourselves off from the emotions that can with a broken heart or a heart that needs to express forgiveness for pain caused by others.

When the heart chakra is balanced, it radiates serenity balance, and calm. It easily gives and receives love. It doesn’t ruminate on past hurts because they’ve been expressed in a healthy way.

Why are so many women dying of a heart attacks and strokes associated with heart disease? Our hearts must return to the “unhurt” or “unstruck, unbeaten” state, the “unmade sound” which is infinitely, AUM. (Or, really the fourth sound following A-U-M, which is silence).

When the Zen koan asks, “What is the sound of one hand clapping/” It refers to this “unstruck note.” It is referring to the primal energy of sound itself, the sound of creation, of love in its creative force.

We must trust the intelligence of the heart to be our inner compass again. As we nurture others, we must also nurture ourselves. If we feel as if we don’t belong or fit in, it’s time to reach out and connect with others who can accept us as we are.

It is also interesting to note, that women don’t respond to traditional medicine the way that men have. As the Harvard study details,

Most of our ideas about heart disease in women used to come from studying it in men. But there are many reasons to think that it’s different in women. A woman’s symptoms are often different from a man’s, and she’s much more likely than a man to die within a year of having a heart attack. Women also don’t seem to fare as well as men do after taking clot-busting drugs or undergoing certain heart-related medical procedures. Research is only now beginning to uncover the biological, medical, and social bases of these and other differences. The hope is that new knowledge will lead to advances in tailoring prevention and treatment to women.” 

The heart is a fascinating muscle, and its energy is used for much more than just pumping blood through our veins. According to Rollin McCraty, Director of Research at the Institute of HeartMath, the heart’s electromagnetic field is about 5000 times stronger than that of the cranial brain, interacting with and permeating every cell of our bodies. When we heal the heart’s energy, women will return to their natural state of compassionate, uncompromising, unconditional lovers. This is what needs healing.

About the Author

Christina Sarich is a staff writer for Waking Times. She is a writer, musician, yogi, and humanitarian with an expansive repertoire. Her thousands of articles can be found all over the Internet, and her insights also appear in magazines as diverse as Weston A. PriceNexusAtlantis Rising, and the Cuyamungue Institute, among others. 

This article (The Number One Killer of Women is in Part a Form of Spirit Sickness) was originally created and published by Waking Times and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Christina Sarich and WakingTimes.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this copyright statement. Please contact WakingTimes@gmail.com for more info.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of Waking Times or its staff.

http://www.wakingtimes.com/2017/06/26/number-one-killer-women-part-form-spirit-sickness/

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Dissolving the ego

Resultado de imagem para Photo by Ernst Haas/Getty

Photo by Ernst Haas/Getty

You don’t need drugs or a church for an ecstatic experience that helps transcend the self and connect to something bigger

Jules Evans is policy director at the Centre for the History of the Emotions at Queen Mary, University of London. He is the author of Philosophy for Life and Other Dangerous Situations (2013) and The Art of Losing Control: A Philosopher’s Search for Ecstatic Experience (2017).

In 1969, the British writer Philip Pullman was walking down the Charing Cross Road in London, when his consciousness abruptly shifted. It appeared to him that ‘everything was connected by similarities and correspondences and echoes’. The author of the fantasy trilogy His Dark Materials (1995-2000) wasn’t on drugs, although he had been reading a lot of books on Renaissance magic. But he told me he believes that his insight was valid, and that ‘my consciousness was temporarily altered, so that I was able to see things that are normally beyond the range of routine ordinary perception’. He had a deep sense that the Universe is ‘alive, conscious and full of purpose’. He says: ‘Everything I’ve written has been an attempt to bear witness to the truth of that statement.’

What does one call such an experience? Pullman refers to it as ‘transcendent’. The philosopher and psychologist William James called them ‘religious experiences’ – although Pullman, who wrote a fictionalised biography of Jesus, would insist that God was not involved. Other psychologists call such moments spiritual, mystical, anomalous or out-of-the-ordinary. My preferred term is ‘ecstatic’. Today, we think of ecstasy as meaning the drug MDMA or the state of being ‘very happy’, but originally it meant ekstasis – a moment when you stand outside your ordinary self, and feel a connection to something bigger than you. Such moments can be euphoric, but also terrifying.

Over the past five centuries, Western culture has gradually marginalised and pathologised ecstasy. That’s partly a result of our shift from a supernatural or animist worldview to a disenchanted and materialist one. In most cultures, ecstasy is a connection to the spirit world. In our culture, since the 17th century, if you suggest you’re connected to the spirit world, you’re likely to be considered ignorant, eccentric or unwell. Ecstasy has been labelled as various mental disorders: enthusiasm, hysteria, psychosis. It’s been condemned as a threat to secular government. We’ve become a more controlled, regulated and disciplinarian society, in which one’s standing as a good citizen relies on one’s ability to control one’s emotions, be polite, and do one’s job. The autonomous self has become our highest ideal,  and the idea of surrendering the self is seen as dangerous.

Yet ecstatic experiences are surprisingly common, we just don’t talk about them. The polling company Gallup has, since the 1960s, measured the frequency of mystical experiences in the United States. In 1960, only 20 per cent of the population said they’d had one or more. Now, it’s around 50 per cent. In a survey I did in 2016, 84 per cent of respondents said they’d had an experience where they went beyond their ordinary self, and felt connected to something greater than them. But 75 per cent agreed there was a taboo around such experiences.

There’s even a database of more than 6,000 such experiences, amassed by the biologist Sir Alister Hardy in the 1960s and now mouldering in storage in Wales. They make for a strangely beautiful read, a sort of crowdsourced Bible. Here is entry number 208: ‘I was out walking one night in busy streets of Glasgow when, with slow majesty, at a corner where the pedestrians were hurrying by and the city traffic was hurtling on its way, the air was filled with heavenly music, and an all-encompassing light, that moved in waves of luminous colour, outshone the brightness of the lighted streets. I stood still, filled with a strange peace and joy … until I found myself in the everyday world again with a strange access of gladness and of love.’

The most common word used when describing such experiences is ‘connection’ – we briefly shift beyond our separate self-absorbed egos, and feel deeply connected to other beings, or to all things. Some interpret these moments as an encounter with the divine, but not all do. The philosopher Bertrand Russell, for example, also had a ‘mystic moment’ when he suddenly felt filled with love for people on a London street. The experience didn’t turn him into a Christian, but it did turn him into a life-long pacifist.

I became interested in ecstatic experiences when I was 24 and had a near-death experience. I fell off a mountain while skiing, dropped 30 feet, and broke my leg and back. As I lay there, I felt immersed in love and light. I’d been suffering from emotional problems for six years, and feared my ego was permanently damaged. In that moment, I knew that I was OK, I was loved, that there was something in me that could not be damaged, call it ‘the soul’, ‘the self’, ‘pure consciousness’ or what-have-you. The experience was hugely healing. But was it just luck, or grace? Can one seek ecstasy?

Pullman thinks not. He says: ‘Seeking this sort of thing doesn’t work. It is far too self-centred. Things like my experience are by-products, not goals. To make them the aim of your life is an act of monumental and self-deceiving egotism.’

I disagree. It seems to me that humans have always sought ecstasy. The earliest human artefacts – the cave paintings of Lascaux – are records of Homo sapiens’ attempt to get out of our heads. We have always sought ways to ‘unself’, as the writer Iris Murdoch called it, because the ego is an anxious, claustrophobic, lonely and boring place to be stuck. As the author Aldous Huxley wrote, humans have ‘a deep-seated urge to self-transcendence’. However, we can get out of our ordinary selves in good and bad ways – what Huxley called ‘healthy and toxic transcendence’…

more…

https://aeon.co/essays/religion-has-no-monopoly-on-transcendent-experience

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7 Ways to Stay Cool & Prevent Heat Stroke Symptoms

Heat stroke symptoms - Dr. Axe

Heat stroke is a medical emergency that occurs when the body can no longer cool itself. The body suffers from dehydration  because it can’t release internal heat into the environment, resulting in core temperatures of over 104 degrees Fahrenheit. The scary part is that most people aren’t aware that they are in danger of heat stroke — the most severe heat-related illness — until it’s too late. And by then, they have become confused and delirious as a result of nerve damage. To reduce your risk of becoming ill, the first step is to become aware of heat stroke symptoms and the warning signs of heat-related illness. A quick diagnosis is crucial in order to avoid organ failure, cognitive impairment and death. (1)

But to ensure that your health is never put in harm’s way because of the heat, take preventative measures to keep your body cool and stay hydrated. It’s also important to avoid actions that increase your risk of developing heat-related illnesses, like engaging in physical activity that increases your chances of heat stroke, such as hot yoga and exercising in the direct sun.


What Is a Heat Stroke? 

Heat stroke occurs when your body’s natural processes to regulate your core temperature begin to fail as you become overheated. Our bodies regulate our core temperature to maintain a constant temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit — even in the hottest or coldest environmental conditions. For this to be possible, our thermoregulatory system uses different physiological mechanisms in order to balance the heat produced inside the body and the amount of heat lost to the environment. When these mechanisms break down, heat stroke symptoms occur.

Did  you know that you have temperature receptors in your skin? When the temperature outside the body becomes too high, the receptors send messages to the hypothalamus, which is the processing center in the brain. When the body becomes overheated, it releases heat by sweating and activating the muscles in your skin. Your blood vessels also begin to swell, or dilate, causing your skin to look red. More warm blood then flows close to the surface of your skin so that heat is lost through the skin and into the air.

Muscles in your skin work to increase heat loss by causing your hairs to lay down flat, as opposed to raising them up in order to trap more warmth. Your skin glands also secrete sweat onto the surface of your skin in order to increase heat loss by evaporation. Your body will keep sweating, releasing internal heat, until your body temperature returns to normal. (2)

The problem is when you sweat so much in an effort to cool down the body that you become dehydrated. When your body runs out of fluids to sweat out, and you haven’t been drinking enough water to supply more fluids, your body temperature will continue to rise. Then you may begin to notice heat stroke symptoms. Once your body’s core temperature rises, all of your innate processes that are in place to regulate your internal temperature break down, creating a serious problem.


Heat Stroke Symptoms 

Before heat stroke symptoms develop, you will experience a few warning signs. Generally, heat-related illnesses occur in four stages: beginning with muscle cramping, leading to heat exhaustion and ending with heat stroke. Here’s a breakdown of these four stages (3):

1. Heat Syncope (fainting): Heat syncope, or fainting, occurs when your body tries to cool itself, which causes your blood vessels to dilate so much that blood flow to your brain is reduced. This usually occurs when a person has been working outside or has been physically active in a hot environment. Besides fainting, a person experiencing heat syncope may feel dizzy, restless and nauseous. (4)

2. Heat cramps: Heat cramps, also known as muscle cramping, is one of the first sign of heat-related illness. You may feel like you pulled a muscle, even though you weren’t doing anything strenuous. Muscle aches or cramping is a huge warning sign that you are dehydrated and need to get somewhere cool and drink water before your symptoms worsen.

3. Heat exhaustion: Heat exhaustion happens when the heat begins to make you feel uncomfortable and ill, leading to symptoms such as heavy sweating, weakness, headache, changes in pulse, cold, pale and clammy skin, nausea, vomiting and fainting. If left untreated, heat exhaustion can advance to heat stroke. (5)

4. Heat stroke: Heat stroke is the most serious of all heat-related illnesses. It is a medical emergency because it can lead to serious brain damage, organ failure and even death. The most common heat stroke symptoms include:

  • body temperature above 103 degrees Fahrenheit
  • rapid and strong pulse
  • shallow breathing
  • hot, red, dry or moist skin
  • severe headache
  • fatigue
  • minimal or no sweating, despite the heat
  • nausea and vomiting
  • muscle weakness
  • muscle cramps
  • dark-colored urine
  • delirium
  • confusion
  • seizures
  • unconsciousness

Heat stroke is so serious because it can lead to organ failure and even death. It immediately affects your cognitive function and can lead to impairment. In fact, research shows that approximately 20 percent of patients who suffer from heat stroke have long-term, irreversible brain damage as a result. (6) That’s why some of the most common heat stroke symptoms are delirium and confusion. Your nerve cells are particularly vulnerable when the body becomes overheated, and your brain is made up of these nerve cells. When the body overheats, the blood vessels dilate and blood flow increases, which strains the heart as well…

more…

https://draxe.com/heat-stroke-symptoms/

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Toxic Exposure: Chemicals are in Our Water, Food, Air and Furniture

by University of California, San Francisco

When her kids were young, Tracey Woodruff, Ph.D., MPH, knew more than most people about environmental toxics. After all, she was a senior scientist at the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). But even she never dreamed, as she rocked her children to sleep at night, that the plastic baby bottles she used to feed them contained toxic chemicals that could leach into the warm milk. 

Back then, in the late 1990s, it wasn’t widely known that the chemicals used in plastic sippy cups and baby bottles can potentially disrupt child development by interfering with the hormone system. That, in turn, could alter the functionality of their reproductive systems or increase their risk of disease later in their lives.

“When I had babies, I did many of the things we now tell people not to do,” says Woodruff, who for the past decade has been the director of UC San Francisco’s Program on Reproductive Health and the Environment (PRHE). Also a professor in the University’s Philip R. Lee Institute for Health Policy Studies, she earned her doctorate in 1991 from a joint UCSF-Berkeley program in bioengineering and then completed a postgraduate fellowship at UCSF.

Woodruff’s children have since grown into physically healthy teenagers, but many children are not as lucky. Unregulated chemicals are increasing in use and are prevalent in products Americans use every day. Woodruff is concerned by the concurrent rise in many health conditions, like certain cancers or childhood diseases, and the fact that the environment is likely to play a role in those conditions. What motivates her is the belief that we need to know more about these toxics so we can reduce our exposure to the worst of them and protect ourselves and our children from their harmful effects. (Woodruff points out that the word “toxics” as a noun means any poisonous substances, from either chemical or biological sources, whereas “toxins” are poisons only from biological sources, either plant or animal.)

The PRHE is dedicated to identifying, measuring and preventing exposure to environmental contaminants that affect human reproduction and development. Its work weaves together science, medicine, policy and advocacy.

For example, research over the past 10 years by UCSF scientists and others has showed that bisphenol A (BPA) – an industrial chemical used since the 1950s to harden plastics in baby bottles, toys and other products – is found in the blood of those exposed to items made with BPA and that it can harm the endocrine systems of fetuses and infants. As a result, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) outlawed BPA in baby products in 2012, and some manufacturers developed BPA-free products. But now scientists believe the chemicals that replaced BPA may be just as harmful. 

Furthermore, BPA is only one in a long, long list of chemicals we encounter every day in our homes, schools, workplaces and communities. And scientists have barely scratched the surface of understanding them. Of the thousands and thousands of chemicals registered with the EPA for use by industry, the agency has regulated only a few. 

“In the last 50 years, we have seen a dramatic increase in chemical production in the United States,” Woodruff explains. Concurrently, there’s been an increase in the incidence of conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, childhood cancers, diabetes and obesity. “It’s not just genetic drift,” Woodruff maintains.

And we’re all at risk from increasing chemical exposure. The water we run from our taps, the lotion we smear on our skin, the shampoo we rub in our hair, even the dust in our houses is full of synthetic chemicals.

Preventing exposure in babies

PRHE experts do more than just measure such trends. They also collaborate with clinical scientists and obstetricians at Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital (ZSFG), so their findings directly benefit pregnant patients. “We partner with the clinical scientists,” explains Woodruff, “because they look at treatments for disease, and environment might be a missing factor in the cause and prevention of disease.”

Though environmental toxics affect us all, there’s a reason PRHE focuses on pregnant women and children, Woodruff adds. Exposure to even tiny amounts of toxic substances during critical developmental stages can have outsize effects. So exposure to toxics is especially detrimental to fetuses, infants and young children, as well as preteens and teenagers.

“If you prevent the problem at the beginning, you get a lifetime of benefits,” says Woodruff.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) began measuring human exposure to chemicals in 1976. These so-called “biomonitoring” studies found a range of toxics in subjects’ blood and urine – substances like DDT, BPA, air pollutants, pesticides, dioxins and phthalates. Phthalates, for example, are a class of chemicals known to be endocrine disruptors but widely used as softeners in plastics and as lubricants in personal-care products. Biomonitoring has determined that women of reproductive age evidence higher levels of phthalates than the population at large. One reason, says Woodruff, is that young women use more products like perfume, deodorant, shampoo and conditioner.

Woodruff herself recently led a study in which UCSF researchers collected blood samples from pregnant women at ZSFG. After the women delivered their babies, the researchers collected umbilical cord blood samples – and discovered that almost 80 percent of the chemicals detected in the maternal blood samples had passed through the placenta to the cord blood. It was the most extensive look yet at how the chemicals that pregnant women are exposed to also appear in their babies’ cord blood (and followed an earlier study by Woodruff that marked the first time anyone had counted the number of chemicals in the blood of pregnant women). Published in the Nov. 1, 2016, print edition of Environmental Science and Technology, the study also found that many chemicals were absorbed at greater levels by the fetuses than by the pregnant women…

more…

https://www.biosciencetechnology.com/news/2017/06/toxic-exposure-chemicals-are-our-water-food-air-and-furniture

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Your Wedding Night Sex Will Probably Suck—and That’s Totally Normal

by Tracy Moore

Popular culture tells us that everything in love leads to the altar, and everything in sex leads to doin’ it on your wedding night. No matter that some 75 percent of us get hitched about as virginally intact as your average bunny rabbit — we still seem to treat wedding night sex as an important ritual: It consummates the marriage (if you’re religious), for one, but it also symbolizes finally coming together as legal and symbolic partners, no matter if you’ve been doing it for months or years. But studies of wedding-night sex find that after the sweet yet stressful slog that is getting married, a lot of people find that the night isn’t quite what they imagined.

One 2016 survey of 1,000 couples found that 52 percent didn’t have any sex at all that night. Respondents indicated the biggest reasons were being too drunk or too tired to get it on after a long stressful day of beaming, photo-taking, socializing and dancing. Others said they were traveling immediately for the honeymoon the next morning and needed sleep more than amore, while others said they wanted to keep partying with friends.

Another survey found that some 9 percent of couples don’t have sex on the big night because the stress of getting married led to an argument before the night’s end. Yet another survey found that in 4 percent of couples, the woman’s period got in the way. (Might we suggest that this is no reason to abstain, all other interest in doing it being equal that night.)

When asked on Reddit a few years ago what their wedding night was really like, people let loose with all manner of stories about how it really went down. “Everyone always talks about wedding night sex, but then you hear that it doesn’t happen nearly as often as you would think,” the user asked. “So how was YOUR wedding night? Did you actually work up the strength to do it, or were you so beat that you couldn’t?”

One person answered that they had managed to have sex, “but it almost felt like an obligation,” explaining:

We had been on our feet for 12 hours, dressed up in more clothes than we’d ever worn in our lives, talking to people, dancing. By the time we got to our room, we’d have both been content to just go to sleep, but we powered through it…

Others chimed in with agreement. “It was basically the, ‘Boy, glad that shit’s over with’ sex.”

Many of the responses echo this sentiment: running around for hours, drinking way too much, and being too exhausted to make it official. Some people admitted they settled for sex-like activities instead. “The whole-body effort of sex seemed an impossibility so I gave a BJ instead,” another commenter wrote. “Less effort and we get credit for doing something!

While that seems a bit anticlimactic, couples who had been together for years and were just excited to move through the big day with their lives and relationships intact didn’t seem too disappointed that they didn’t get it on. Instead they counted cash in envelopes, ate junk food and passed out.

“We got to our hotel,” one person wrote. “Ate hot fudge sundaes and crashed. We had lived together for a year. Having sex on our wedding night just didn’t seem like a big deal.”

I put the question to married friends, who gave similar answers. “We passed out and got up in like 5 in the morning to catch our honeymoon flight,” one woman told me. “We had sex, but it was like, guess we have to — we were so tired,” another one said….

more…

https://melmagazine.com/your-wedding-night-sex-will-probably-suck-and-thats-totally-normal-c5a356b9e07a

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The Binary Code of Body and Spirit: Computing Pioneer Alan Turing on Mortality

Alan Turing and Christopher Morcom. Art by Keith Hegley from The Who, the What, and the When, an illustrated celebration of the little-known inspirations behind geniuses.

“The body provides something for the spirit to look after and use.”

“The void horrifies: so we are all immortal,” Simone de Beauvoir scoffed at the religious escapism of immortality in explaining why she is an atheist, adding: “Faith allows an evasion of those difficulties which the atheist confronts honestly.” But there exists a certain orientation of spirit that is both unreligious and lucid in contemplating mortality. Einstein touched on it in his beautiful letter to the Queen of Belgium, in which he wrote: “There is, after all, something eternal that lies beyond the hand of fate and of all human delusions.” And yet he conceded that such an orientation toward mortality is reserved for those “who have been privileged to accomplish in full measure their task in life.”

To make sense of the untimely loss of a young and unrealized life is a wholly different matter, one which haunted computing pioneer Alan Turing (June 23, 1912–June 7, 1954).

Turing’s decryption of Nazi communication code is estimated to have shortened WWII by two to four years, consequently saving anywhere between 14 and 21 million lives. But despite his wartime heroism, Turing was driven to suicide after being chemically castrated by the U.K. government for being homosexual. More than half a century after his disquieting death, Queen Elizabeth II issued royal pardon — a formal posthumous apology that somehow only amplifies the tragedy of Turing’s life and death.

Tragedy had been with Turing from a young age. At fifteen, while attending the Sherborne School, he fell deeply in love with a classmate named Christopher Morcom. For the awkward and ostracized young Alan, who was bullied so severely that a group of boys once trapped him under the floorboards of a dorm dayroom and kept him there until he nearly suffocated, Christopher was everything he was not — dashing, polished, well versed in both science and art, and aglow with winsome charisma. Alan’s love was profound and pure and unrequited in the dimensions he most longed for, but Christopher did take to him with great warmth and became his most beloved, in fact his only, friend. They spent long nights discussing science and philosophy, trading astronomical acumen, and speculating about the laws of physics.

When Christopher died of bovine tuberculosis in 1930 — a disease he had contracted from infected milk, for which there was no common vaccine until after WWII — Alan fell to pieces. He was able to collect himself only through work, by burrowing so deep into the underbelly of mathematics that he emerged almost on the other side, where science and metaphysics meet. Sorrow had taken him on a crusade to make sense of reality, of this senseless ruin, and he spared no modality of thought. Most of all, he wanted to understand how he could remain so attached to someone who no longer existed materially but who felt so overwhelmingly alive in his spirit.

All the while, young Turing remained in touch with Christopher’s mother, who had taken a sympathetic liking to her son’s awkward friend. After Christopher’s death, he visited the Morcoms at their country home, Clock House, and corresponded with Mrs. Morcom about the grief they shared, about the perplexity of how a nonentity — for Christopher had ceased to exist in physical terms — could color each of their worlds so completely…

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