Your Wedding Night Sex Will Probably Suck—and That’s Totally Normal

by Tracy Moore

Popular culture tells us that everything in love leads to the altar, and everything in sex leads to doin’ it on your wedding night. No matter that some 75 percent of us get hitched about as virginally intact as your average bunny rabbit — we still seem to treat wedding night sex as an important ritual: It consummates the marriage (if you’re religious), for one, but it also symbolizes finally coming together as legal and symbolic partners, no matter if you’ve been doing it for months or years. But studies of wedding-night sex find that after the sweet yet stressful slog that is getting married, a lot of people find that the night isn’t quite what they imagined.

One 2016 survey of 1,000 couples found that 52 percent didn’t have any sex at all that night. Respondents indicated the biggest reasons were being too drunk or too tired to get it on after a long stressful day of beaming, photo-taking, socializing and dancing. Others said they were traveling immediately for the honeymoon the next morning and needed sleep more than amore, while others said they wanted to keep partying with friends.

Another survey found that some 9 percent of couples don’t have sex on the big night because the stress of getting married led to an argument before the night’s end. Yet another survey found that in 4 percent of couples, the woman’s period got in the way. (Might we suggest that this is no reason to abstain, all other interest in doing it being equal that night.)

When asked on Reddit a few years ago what their wedding night was really like, people let loose with all manner of stories about how it really went down. “Everyone always talks about wedding night sex, but then you hear that it doesn’t happen nearly as often as you would think,” the user asked. “So how was YOUR wedding night? Did you actually work up the strength to do it, or were you so beat that you couldn’t?”

One person answered that they had managed to have sex, “but it almost felt like an obligation,” explaining:

We had been on our feet for 12 hours, dressed up in more clothes than we’d ever worn in our lives, talking to people, dancing. By the time we got to our room, we’d have both been content to just go to sleep, but we powered through it…

Others chimed in with agreement. “It was basically the, ‘Boy, glad that shit’s over with’ sex.”

Many of the responses echo this sentiment: running around for hours, drinking way too much, and being too exhausted to make it official. Some people admitted they settled for sex-like activities instead. “The whole-body effort of sex seemed an impossibility so I gave a BJ instead,” another commenter wrote. “Less effort and we get credit for doing something!

While that seems a bit anticlimactic, couples who had been together for years and were just excited to move through the big day with their lives and relationships intact didn’t seem too disappointed that they didn’t get it on. Instead they counted cash in envelopes, ate junk food and passed out.

“We got to our hotel,” one person wrote. “Ate hot fudge sundaes and crashed. We had lived together for a year. Having sex on our wedding night just didn’t seem like a big deal.”

I put the question to married friends, who gave similar answers. “We passed out and got up in like 5 in the morning to catch our honeymoon flight,” one woman told me. “We had sex, but it was like, guess we have to — we were so tired,” another one said….

more…

https://melmagazine.com/your-wedding-night-sex-will-probably-suck-and-thats-totally-normal-c5a356b9e07a

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Traitor Moron Macron – ‘We Must Welcome (Muslim) Refugees …Because It Is Our Tradition And Our Honor’

French President Emmanuel Macron arrives for an EU summit in Brussels on Thursday, June 22, 2017

© AP Photo/ Julien Warnand, Pool Photo

French President Emmanuel Macron said on Friday that Europe should welcome refugees because it is a European tradition and honor.

PARIS (Sputnik) — Europe should greet migrants, because it is a part of its traditions and a matter of honor, Macron said Friday.

“We talked about the migrant crisis. It is not a concern of several countries, it is our common challenge… And it demands our common decision,” Macron said after his meeting with German Chancellor Angela Merkel on the sidelines of the EU leaders’ summit in Brussels.

The French president added that the migrant crisis was a long-term challenge.

“We must welcome refugees because it is our tradition and our honor. The refugees are not just any migrants, not economic migrants. They are people who are fleeing their country for freedom because of the war or the political situation,” Macron stressed.

Since 2015, Europe has been experiencing the worst migration crisis in its history, struggling to accommodate hundreds of thousands of refugees and migrants fleeing hostilities in the Middle Eastern and North African countries. According to the latest data of the International Organization for Migration (IOM), updated earlier in the day, 2,108 migrants died in the Mediterranean while trying to cross the sea since January 2017, most of whom were en route to Italy. The number of migrants that had crossed the Mediterranean Sea to enter the European Union in 2017 is almost 84,000 people.

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What Is Space?

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It’s not what you think.

Ask a group of physicists and philosophers to define “space” and you will likely be stuck in a long discussion that involves deep-sounding but meaningless word combinations such as “the very fabric of space-time itself is a physical manifestation of quantum entropy concepts woven together by the universal nature of location.” On second thought, maybe you should avoid starting deep conversations between philosophers and physicists.

Is space just an infinite emptiness that underlies everything? Or is it the emptiness between things? What if space is neither of these but is a physical thing that can slosh around, like a bathtub full of water?

It turns out that the nature of space itself is one of the biggest and strangest mysteries in the universe. So get ready, because things are about to get … spacey.

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Space, It’s a Thing

Like many deep questions, the question of what space is sounds like a simple one at first. But if you challenge your intuition and reexamine the question, you discover that a clear answer is hard to find.

Most people imagine that space is just the emptiness in which things happen, like a big empty warehouse or a theater stage on which the events of the universe play out. In this view, space is literally the lack of stuff. It is a void that sits there waiting to be filled, as in “I saved space for dessert” or “I found a great parking space.”

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If you follow this notion, then space is something that can exist by itself without any matter to fill it. For example, if you imagine that the universe has a finite amount of matter in it, you could imagine traveling so far that you reach a point beyond which there is no more stuff and all the matter in the universe is behind you.1 You would be facing pure empty space, and beyond that, space might extend out to infinity. In this view, space is the emptiness that stretches out forever.

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Could Such a Thing Exist?

That picture of space is reasonable and seems to fit with our experience. But one lesson of history is that anytime we think something is obviously true (e.g., the Earth is flat, or eating a lot of Girl Scout cookies is good for you), we should be skeptical and take a step back to examine it carefully. More than that, we should consider radically different explanations that also describe the same experience. Maybe there are theories we haven’t thought of. Or maybe there are related theories where our experience of the universe is just one weird example. Sometimes the hard part is identifying our assumptions, especially when they seem natural and straightforward.

In this case, there are other reasonable-sounding ideas for what space could be. What if space can’t exist without matter—what if it’s nothing more than the relationship between matter? In this view, you can’t have pure “empty space” because the idea of any space at all beyond the last piece of matter doesn’t make any sense. For example, you can’t measure the distance between two particles if you don’t have any particles. The concept of “space” would end when there are no more matter particles left to define it. What would be beyond that? Not empty space.

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That is a pretty weird and counterintuitive way of thinking about space, especially given that we have never experienced the concept of non-space. But weird never stood in the way of physics, so keep an open mind.

Which Space Is the Place?

Which of these ideas about space is correct? Is space like an infinite void waiting to be filled? Or does it only exist in the context of matter?

It turns out that we are fairly certain that space is neither of these things. Space is definitely not an empty void and it is definitely not just a relationship between matter. We know this because we have seen space do things that fit neither of those ideas. We have observed space bend and ripple and expand.

This is the part where your brain goes, “Whaaaaat … ?”

If you are paying attention, you should be a little confused when you read the phrases “bending of space” and “expanding of space.” What could that possibly mean? How does it make any sense? If space is an idea, then it can’t be bent or expanded any more than it can be chopped into cubes and sautéed with cilantro.2 If space is our ruler for measuring the location of stuff, how do you measure the bending or expanding of space?

Good questions! The reason this idea of space bending is so confusing is that most of us grow up with a mental picture of space as an invisible backdrop in which things happen. Maybe you imagine space to be like 
that theater stage we mentioned before, with hard wooden planks as a
 floor and rigid walls on all sides. And maybe you imagine that
 nothing in the universe could bend that stage because this abstract frame is not part of the universe but something that contains the universe.

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Unfortunately, that is where your mental picture goes wrong. To make sense of general relativity and think about modern ideas of space, you have to give up the idea of space as an abstract stage and accept that it is a physical thing. You have to imagine that space has properties and behaviors, and that it reacts to the matter in the universe. You can pinch space, squeeze it, and, yes, even fill it with cilantro.3

more…

http://nautil.us/issue/49/the-absurd/what-is-space

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The Binary Code of Body and Spirit: Computing Pioneer Alan Turing on Mortality

Alan Turing and Christopher Morcom. Art by Keith Hegley from The Who, the What, and the When, an illustrated celebration of the little-known inspirations behind geniuses.

“The body provides something for the spirit to look after and use.”

“The void horrifies: so we are all immortal,” Simone de Beauvoir scoffed at the religious escapism of immortality in explaining why she is an atheist, adding: “Faith allows an evasion of those difficulties which the atheist confronts honestly.” But there exists a certain orientation of spirit that is both unreligious and lucid in contemplating mortality. Einstein touched on it in his beautiful letter to the Queen of Belgium, in which he wrote: “There is, after all, something eternal that lies beyond the hand of fate and of all human delusions.” And yet he conceded that such an orientation toward mortality is reserved for those “who have been privileged to accomplish in full measure their task in life.”

To make sense of the untimely loss of a young and unrealized life is a wholly different matter, one which haunted computing pioneer Alan Turing (June 23, 1912–June 7, 1954).

Turing’s decryption of Nazi communication code is estimated to have shortened WWII by two to four years, consequently saving anywhere between 14 and 21 million lives. But despite his wartime heroism, Turing was driven to suicide after being chemically castrated by the U.K. government for being homosexual. More than half a century after his disquieting death, Queen Elizabeth II issued royal pardon — a formal posthumous apology that somehow only amplifies the tragedy of Turing’s life and death.

Tragedy had been with Turing from a young age. At fifteen, while attending the Sherborne School, he fell deeply in love with a classmate named Christopher Morcom. For the awkward and ostracized young Alan, who was bullied so severely that a group of boys once trapped him under the floorboards of a dorm dayroom and kept him there until he nearly suffocated, Christopher was everything he was not — dashing, polished, well versed in both science and art, and aglow with winsome charisma. Alan’s love was profound and pure and unrequited in the dimensions he most longed for, but Christopher did take to him with great warmth and became his most beloved, in fact his only, friend. They spent long nights discussing science and philosophy, trading astronomical acumen, and speculating about the laws of physics.

When Christopher died of bovine tuberculosis in 1930 — a disease he had contracted from infected milk, for which there was no common vaccine until after WWII — Alan fell to pieces. He was able to collect himself only through work, by burrowing so deep into the underbelly of mathematics that he emerged almost on the other side, where science and metaphysics meet. Sorrow had taken him on a crusade to make sense of reality, of this senseless ruin, and he spared no modality of thought. Most of all, he wanted to understand how he could remain so attached to someone who no longer existed materially but who felt so overwhelmingly alive in his spirit.

All the while, young Turing remained in touch with Christopher’s mother, who had taken a sympathetic liking to her son’s awkward friend. After Christopher’s death, he visited the Morcoms at their country home, Clock House, and corresponded with Mrs. Morcom about the grief they shared, about the perplexity of how a nonentity — for Christopher had ceased to exist in physical terms — could color each of their worlds so completely…

more..

https://www.brainpickings.org/

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Working Through the Strong Emotions of Sexual Identity

Working Through the Strong Emotions of Sexual IdentityPhoto by Peter Hershey | https://tricy.cl/2sFfhdw

On a 40-day meditation retreat, dharma teacher and LGBTQ activist Jay Michaelson came to the shocking realization that, deep down, he would change his orientation if he could.

By Dr. Jay Michaelson

It had been a cool, early December day in Barre, Massachusetts, about ten years ago. I had spent the daylight hours, what was left of them, sitting in hour-long meditation sessions and walking outside in the white, grey, and tan colors of a Massachusetts winter. It had been a peaceful day, as I recall, about two-thirds of the way through a forty-day meditation retreat at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS).

Forty days in silence. External silence, anyway, the better to hear the incessant noise of thought. The retreat had been profound, difficult, inspiring—par for the course. Four weeks in, I thought I had basically learned what I was going to learn. And then everything fell apart.

It began innocently enough: During a talk one evening, a teacher said that all of our habits, preferences, and opinions are conditions in and of the mind, and all of them can be changed. Dharma 101.

But I recoiled. Having spent over ten years trying to change my sexuality, having despaired of it to the point of suicide, and having finally given up trying to change and come out the other side healthy, sane, and whole, I felt as though I knew from experience both that some things cannot be changed and that to say it can be is enormously harmful. Even if sexuality is a phenomenon of the mind and not the body, sexual orientation is effectively hardwired in—for me, anyway, and for many other queer people. Trying to change it is as healthy as trying not to breathe.

So I was triggered. And so when the dharma talk was done, I spent the next half-hour in walking meditation, furious at the ignorance of this teacher. I paced back and forth, noting a whole lot of anger, and getting lost in it more often than not. But then, literally mid-step, I realized how attached I was to the belief that sexuality cannot be changed. It wasn’t just some intellectual difference I had with the teacher—I was really attached to my view. I had something at stake.

Then, in the next thought, I realized that I was so attached to my story that sexuality is unchangeable because I would change my sexuality if I could.

Which was shocking. At the time, I was the director of a national queer organization, and I’ve long been someone whose work and life is deeply gay-positive and celebrates the erotic and spiritual possibilities of being queer. I celebrate my sexuality and recognize it as a unique gift. But here I was, realizing that a part of me was still self-hating, still telling myself that I’d rather be different. Here is what I wrote in my journal that night:

I’m tired of hating myself

I’m tired if wanting myself to be straight, even a little.

I’m tired if “all things being equal, I’d prefer.”

That night was a dark one. It’s not that I even believed the self-hatred—I just could not believe that it was present at all. How could this be?

As I lay restless that night, I watched—and was often caught in—a caravan of thoughts and judgments: How I felt rejection, how I felt I’d disappointed my parents, how I’d failed. And I saw that “being gay” just felt bad, in a stupid, nonrational way, because people have told me so for decades. Intellectually, of course, I know not to believe them, but on a gut level, I felt unloved, unsuccessful, unappreciated. More from the journal:

Look at how much bullshit I still believe . . . I hate the hatred. It makes me feel unlovable. It makes me feel like a fraud. It makes me feel like I can never be enlightened and have no business being a spiritual teacher….

more…

https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/working-strong-emotions-sexual-identity/

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TAMING FEMALE SEXUALITY: MYTH, LIBIDO AND THE PHARMACOLOGICAL SUPPRESSION OF WOMEN

by Christina Sarich, Staff Writer Waking Times

It doesn’t take a witch hunt for most people to realize that female sexuality has been feared for as long as we can remember human history. Male-constructed images of women, and men, are so embedded in Western culture that they can appear quite “natural,” but the ways in which the patriarchy has tried to quell women’s sexuality is absurd, if not shocking.

From the beginning chapters of the Bible, in the Adam and Eve story, we, in the West, have been taught how to think about a woman’s sexual personality. The imagery is reinforced in art, prose, and modern medicine. Without tangling the web even further, the deeply rooted fear of women’s sexuality also weighs heavy on the heads of depopulationists, but we shall save this tangent for another time because there is ample and astounding evidence to prove strange cultural programming without opening that Pandora’s box. Pun intended.

I should preface, I am overjoyed that our country went through a sexual revolution, and that women are now at least legally allowed to have sex with whomever – man or woman – they choose. Nonetheless, mankind didn’t even realize that there was a correlation between the womb and sexual intercourse resulting in pregnancy until 9000 BCE, but even now obsesses with preventing a woman’s natural expression of her Divinely given sexual gifts in any way possible. Pregnancy or no pregnancy, Paleolithic societies prohibited women from having sex during their periods, yet in our very recent past, women were encouraged to use Lysol as a contraceptive. Which is more farcical?

These odd views have affected men and women alike. Men were encouraged to be circumcised, lest their wives stray to another man, and his foreskin, now proven to be sensitive just like a woman’s clitoris, was to be surgically, if not barbarically removed, to lessen the pleasure associated with sex – for both parties.

Female genital mutilation still occurs today, with more 130 million women enduring scarring, urinary issues, poor obstetric and neonatal outcomes, but aside from the patently obvious acts of removing the sexual organs themselves, how has our warped cultural training taught us to fear female sexuality, and what inane methods have they attempted to stifle this “scary beast?”

The “Hysterical” Woman

If a woman explores a sexual free-for-all, with one partner, or many, she is called hysterical – the word literally coming from the Greek word hysterikos; meaning “of the womb,” or “suffering of the womb.” Preposterously, the psychologically termed illness, “hysterical neurosis” persisted in medical literature until the 1980s.

 

This concept was based on the ridiculous notion that a woman’s womb wandered around her body (like her wandering sexual eye?) causing her to become ill. This idea resulted in doctors prescribing odd “medicines” as far back as 1900 BC, when ancient Egyptians thought the “wandering womb” could cause “excessive vaginal lubrication,” or anxiety and nervousness from erotic fantasies.

Medical “experts” later treated a woman’s excess libido by prescribing suppositories, salves, and Dover’s powder, a special combination of opium and ipecac. If that wasn’t sufficient, your genitals could be sprayed with a high-powered hose, or you would be prescribed rat poison (strychnia) to help calm your nervous system.

Birth Control and Douching

Women were also supposed to separate child-birth and sexual pleasure. One was not to be mixed with the other. In the most extreme versions of the Madonna-Whore complex, our illustrious physicians have prescribed a host of health-harming birth control methods, from the modern-day pill, which can cause cancer, to more antiquated remedies like those suggested by an American physician of the 1800s named Charles Knowlton who suggested douching as a form of contraception. After sex, women were supposed to inject a syringe full of watered-down salt, vinegar, liquid chloride, zinc sulfite or aluminum potassium sulfite into their vaginas.

 

In fact, from 1930 until 1960, the most popular contraceptive for women was Lysol disinfectant. Though Lysol as a form of birth control has since been debunked, and douching has been proven to cause numerous health problems, one in four women between the ages of 15 and 44 still douche, according to the Department of Health and Human Services…

more…

About the Author

Christina Sarich is a staff writer for Waking Times. She is a writer, musician, yogi, and humanitarian with an expansive repertoire.

This article (Taming Female Sexuality: Myth, Libido and the Pharmacological Suppression of Women) was originally created and published by Waking Times and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to Christina Sarich and WakingTimes.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this copyright statement. Please contact WakingTimes@gmail.com for more info.

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of Waking Times or its staff.

http://www.wakingtimes.com/2017/06/22/taming-female-sexuality-myth-libido-pharmacological-suppression-women/

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The future is emotional

Resultado de imagem para Photo by Thomas Peters/Reuters

image edited by Web Investigator

Human jobs in the future will be the ones that require emotional labour: currently undervalued and underpaid but invaluable

by Livia Gershon is a freelance reporter who writes about the intersection of economics, politics and everyday life. Her work has appeared in Salon, LA Weekly and The Progressive, among others. She lives in New Hampshire.

Early last year, the World Economic Forum issued a paper warning that technological change is on the verge of upending the global economy. To fill the sophisticated jobs of tomorrow, the authors argued, the ‘reskilling and upskilling of today’s workers will be critical’. Around the same time, the then president Barack Obama announced a ‘computer science for all’ programme for elementary and high schools in the United States. ‘[W]e have to make sure all our kids are equipped for the jobs of the future, which means not just being able to work with computers but developing the analytical and coding skills to power our innovation economy,’ he said.

But the truth is, only a tiny percentage of people in the post-industrial world will ever end up working in software engineering, biotechnology or advanced manufacturing. Just as the behemoth machines of the industrial revolution made physical strength less necessary for humans, the information revolution frees us to complement, rather than compete with, the technical competence of computers. Many of the most important jobs of the future will require soft skills, not advanced algebra.

Back in 1983, the sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild coined the term ‘emotional labour’ to describe the processes involved in managing the emotional demands of work. She explored the techniques that flight attendants used to maintain the friendly demeanours their airline demanded in the face of abusive customers: taking deep breaths, silently reminding themselves to stay cool, or building empathy for the nasty passenger. ‘I try to remember that if he’s drinking too much, he’s probably really scared of flying,’ one attendant explained. ‘I think to myself: “He’s like a little child.”’

Today, the rapid shrinking of the industrial sector means that most of us have jobs requiring emotional skills, whether working directly with customers or collaborating with our corporate ‘team’ on a project. In 2015, the education economist David Deming at Harvard University found that almost all jobs growth in the United States between 1980 and 2012 was in work requiring relatively high degrees of social skills, while Rosemary Haefner, chief human resources officer at the jobs site CareerBuilder, told Bloomberg BNA in January that corporate hiring this year would prize these skills to a greater degree than in previous economic recoveries. ‘Soft skills,’ she said, ‘can make the difference between a standout employee and one who just gets by.’

Across the economy, technology is edging human workers into more emotional territory. In retail, Amazon and its imitators are rapidly devouring the market for routine purchases, but to the extent that bricks-and-mortar shops survive, it is because some people prefer chatting with a clerk to clicking buttons. Already, arguments for preserving rural post offices focus less on their services – handled mostly online – than on their value as centres for community social life.

Historically, we’ve ignored the central role of emotional labour to the detriment of workers and the people they serve. Police officers, for example, spend 80 per cent of their time on ‘service-related functions’, according to George T Patterson, a social work scholar in New York who consults with police departments. Every day, officers arrive at families’ doorsteps to mediate disputes and respond to mental-health crises. Yet training at US police departments focuses almost exclusively on weapons use, defence tactics and criminal law. Predictably, there are regular reports of people calling the police for help with a confused family member who’s wandering in traffic, only to see their loved one shot down in front of them.

In the sphere of medicine, one of the toughest moments of a physician’s job is sitting with a patient, surveying how a diagnosis will alter the landscape of that patient’s life. That is work no technology can match – unlike surgery, where autonomous robots are learning to perform with superhuman precision. With AI now being developed as a diagnostic tool, doctors have begun thinking about how to complement these automated skills. As a strategic report for Britain’s National Health Service (NHS) put it in 2013: ‘The NHS could employ hundreds of thousands of staff with the right technological skills, but without the compassion to care, then we will have failed to meet the needs of patients.’

A growing real-world demand for workers with empathy and a talent for making other people feel at ease requires a serious shift in perspective. It means moving away from our singular focus on academic performance as the road to success. It means giving more respect, and better pay, to workers too often generically dismissed as ‘unskilled labour’. And, it means valuing skills more often found among working-class women than highly educated men…

more…

https://aeon.co/essays/the-key-to-jobs-in-the-future-is-not-college-but-compassion

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