Illustration by Carly Jean Andrews by Andrew Fiouzi After all, working out can kill you As a native son of L.A., I have a complicated relationship with exercise. Growing up in a city notorious for its driving culture, I, like most of my fellow purebreds, prefer to drive as little as one block rather than to walk the same distance. On the other hand, everyone here looks like they’ve just left the gym — a sort of citywide form of peer pressure to be in the best possible shape at all times. So when I come across a study or article that tells me do … Continue reading Here’s All the Exercise Advice That Requires No Exercise
by John McDermott In 2013, NBA big man Dwight Howard developed a rare nerve disorder called dysesthesia while playing for the Los Angeles Lakers. He had tingling in his extremities and was losing motor function, to the point he had difficulty catching passes. Dysesthesia is common among prediabetics — not men who make a living physically exerting themselves. But Lakers nutritionist Cate Shanahan knew Howard had a “legendary sweet tooth,” and suspected his tingling was due to his sugar intake. Sure enough, Howard revealed to her he had been consuming an unthinkable amount of sugar. According to ESPN: “Howard had been scarfing down … Continue reading Why So Many Athletes Have Such Terrible Diets
by Andrew Fiouzi 1. The idea that celibacy breeds maximum athletic performance dates back to 444 B.C., when Plato, of all people, opined, “Olympic competitors before races should avoid sexual intimacy.” A few centuries later, Aretaeus of Cappadocia, a celebrated Greek physician, gave Plato’s thinking a little more color: “If any man is in possession of semen, he is fierce, courageous and physically mighty, like beasts.” 2. The most detailed explanation, though, can be found in Philostratus’ Gymnasticus, the oldest text on sports known to man: “Those who come to the gymnasium straight after sex are exposed by a greater number … Continue reading Everything That’s Ever Been Said About Boning Before Sporting Events
by Stephanie Lee Basketball players, runners, weight lifters, and everyday gym-goers are always looking for an extra edge, and they think compression gear might be just the thing. By squeezing yourself into these stretchy garments, you supposedly increase blood flow, which in theory, means more oxygen to working muscles and a better workout. Compression gear comes in all kinds: high-knee socks, elbows sleeves, long pants, knee wraps, and tops. These tight-fitting clothes are usually made from a blend of spandex and nylon to hug the hell out of your arms, legs, or torso, without constricting your movement. Compression leggings and socks … Continue reading Do Compression Socks, Sleeves, and Wraps Help You Work Out Better?
Posted By: Dr. Bones (From my weekly column at Greed: “No Quarter”) (GREED) – Football is perhaps the most American sport ever devised. Born from the angst-encrusted days of post-WW2, it caught on quickly with the thoroughly prussianized populace. The entire game is a big metaphor for our own military success: soldiers from some far off corner aggressively fighting their way to the “end zone” of some foreign power, all the while keeping our own “safety” through rigorous attack. Fans can remember certain seasons as if they themselves had fought them, tribal identification with each team’s totemic figure so deep as to … Continue reading Stop Pretending You’re Surprised Football Fans Are Racist
Posted By: Thad McKraken Something about spending my 9/11 obsessively watching football made me think it might be a good time to re-air this piece (which originally appeared on the site on 9/12/2013). There’s some additional commentary at the end about my psychic sports predictions for the heads. Enjoy: Ahhh Football season. The crisp feel of fall winds and the sound of drunkenness in the afternoon. There is absolutely nothing more distinctly and disturbingly American than football culture. So, you get a bunch of dudes who may or may not drink very often incredibly drunk in the middle of the … Continue reading Your Religion Might As Well Be Football
Photograph by Cadaverexquisito / Wikicommons POSTED BY SUSIE NEILSON There is a church in Argentina called Iglesia Maradona. In this church, God is football—soccer—and its prophet is the renowned player Diego Armando Maradona. Founded in 1998, the year after the star’s retirement, the Church of Iglesia Maradona now has some 120,000 members worldwide, who bear its insignia D10S—a portmanteau of Dios, the Spanish word for God, and Maradona’s shirt number, 10. Members congregate in sports bars; transubstantiation occurs not to wine and wafer, but to beer and pizza. They even have their own version of the Lord’s Prayer: “Our Diego, … Continue reading The Uncanny Symbiosis of Modern Religion and Sports